ICE SKATING IN PANARI

If you've been reading this blog for a while, you probably know by now that I grew up in Kenya. Not that I've stopped growing up or that I currently don't live in Kenya, it just feels precious to say it. Here if you missed it: 

I grew up in Kenya.  

Just like Lupita Nyong'o people :)

Anyway, this post isn't about my origin but yes, they are closely related. 

So last weekend, two of my best friends and I went Ice Skating at the Panari Sky Centre and presumably unnecessary to say, prior to that, the largest collection of ice we had come across, our.whole.life sits in a freezer. Stocked in an ice cube tray. Hence you correctly guess, skating on an ice rink, 32 by 24 feet wide, was an adventure we were definitely excited about.

This is how skating looked like in my mind:

But I obviously, no. I OBVIOUSLY, didn’t think this through. Ice Skating is the worst thing anyone can be subjected to. Ever. Especially, for people who’ve NOT grown up around ice. 

It’s scary and difficult and humiliating and everybody who doesn’t know how to feels like they’ve been lied to. And those movies you see tiny girls doing ballet dancing on ice? They lie. We should probably sue them.

Standing tall on a platform, please allow me tell you what ice skating really is:

Ice skating is when you attach knife blades to the soles of very stiff boots. As if that’s not stupid enough, you are expected to balance your whole weight on them, then swiftly start running on a shiny, slippery and cold surface.

For fun.

It is traumatizing. Some of the kids had an amazing time. But us? First timers on the skating rink? We had our egos bruised. The entire surface of the ice was covered in pain, agony and suffering. This is what it really was:

Defeated and angry, we gave up and stayed snuggled together in a corner. 

We watched people fall down and this made us happy.

We saw kids arrive in smiles and leave in tears and bruises.
Then we went to claim our money back. No, we didn't do that.

Sooo, stepping down from my platform, here's my advice to you. If you've been having an exceedingly happy week, like I did six days before Sunday, or you have an enormous ego people always complain about, please go Ice Skating at Panari. Then we'll have a larger number to sign a petition against movies that take advantage of our naivety.

*Then Lupita will probably not want to be associated with us anymore.